Sunday, May 17, 2009

Workin' the cuteness

Women go through many stages of beauty. From birth until about age 12, you are considered "cute." Once adolescence hits, cute just doesn't do it anymore. At this point, you enter "gawky," until you make it through middle school and maybe even freshman year of high school. There are a few fortunate souls who skip gawky at this point, but never fear, they usually get a dose of gawky after they go to college and gain the freshman 15- gawky must be faced at some point in life. But, I digress, at this point females develop into their life roles, they are pretty, sexy, sophisticated and handsome. Now, what I have discovered is that during pregnancy you must leave this life role and go back to cute. I'm sorry, but it is just not possible to be "sexy" during pregnancy. It is unnatural. You say, "well what about Demi Moore? Angelina Jolie?" Well, I contend that they too are not sexy- as long as they have maternity clothes on. I'm sorry, but anyone wearing a fashion imitating a circus tent (small at the top, flares at the bottom) cannot contend for "sexiest woman alive." Any woman working through the alphabet with her bra sizes, is not sophisticated. So, cute it is.
I have surrendered to this. I must admit, it is kind of fun. I have begun wearing "Laura Ingalls'" braids, Keds sneakers, denim shorts, less make up. I am working the cute factor, because otherwise people just wonder if you are getting tubby.
I have a theory that after the kids are born, females enter a new beauty stage, it is called oblivion. It doesn't matter what you look like nor do you care, everyone is just looking at the babies.

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